Little children play merrily in a meadow I've created in my mind. I reach out to them.
They run faster.
I beckon them to come closer but they skip further away teasing me with their laughter.
Children with hair of gold so innocent thay look as I remember back when they laughed and played.
I pull back however, remembering, my own childhood lost, my innocence betrayed.
How can I be entrusted with these children of my past?
To love them, nurture them; they grow so fast.
Can I at last learn to love them, love me, and keep us safe at this late date?
Teach them to trust me to recover from the shame, the guilt, and the self-hate?
Will I betray them? Let them go to be forever lost in the shroud of pain and never find peace?
NO! This time I won't hold back. The pain of the past I will release!
I walk towards these children who gather in the meadow underneath a shady tree.
I sit with them and tell them I love them all and hold each one in turn close to me.
The tears of yesterday flow freely down the river of forgetfulness.
As one by one and day by day we treat ourselves with newfound tenderness.
Time will pass and the pain will be dealt with; but no longer with with anger, shame, and fear.
We are now fighting as one using compassion and understanding to go from here.
Kay Schlagel
11/3/02
