Sunday, July 02, 2006

New Alter Portraits.

I have to be honest and say that I have gotten rather overconfident lately (some would even call it conceited) about the success of my recovery and intergration. As we all know about the time you get that way life has a way of coming along and knocking you down a few pegs or at least reminding you that recovery is always an on-going project. If you are a regular reader you already know that I haven't had that much alter activity in quite awhile except for times of deep stress and then it isn't for long (several minutes to half hour) and I haven't had any "creative" alters in a really long time--I have one alter that wrote poetry, another who played the piano,sing, and one who would help the other alters paint self-portraits of themselves and taught me how to paint. Well, recently I had two different alters come out and paint self-portraits of themselves. The reason I know it was alters who did them is because I have trouble remembering painting them and they later came out and talked to JD and told him they painted them. I had already signed them but I had them come out and sign them also. I noticed that the painting of the pheonix is very similiar to one I painted quite awhile ago so I'm rather puzzled as to whether it was painted by the same alter or a different one. The first painting was done on poster board paper and unfortunatly didn't stand up real well to my lack of storage room so I don't know if she came back to do it again or what the story is behind it. The first painting is in the sept. archives (I think) and to look at the two paintings it looks like two different styles to me but who knows. They stayed around for a couple of days to talk but didn't seem to have alot to say. It used to be when I had a new alter come out they would cause quite alot of disruption until we had worked out the memories they held and worked out the emotions associated with them and how they effected my life. I wish I could tell you more about what the pictures represent but other then the fact that I've always identified with the myth of the pheonix of being able to always rise again even from the ashes of destruction they really didn't tell me anything and it would be just stupid to make up some story to just be entertaining because then you wouldn't think that the rest of what you read here is what I honestly believe.

I've really been lax about keeping my journal up and haven't been keeping one for a really long time but I've been having some problems with writer's block lately so I've dug out the old journal and started writing in it again. I'd almost forgotten how helpful they are for venting and trying to figure out how I'm feeling and why.